On The Couch With Abi
#OnTheCouchWithAbi we explore the full spectrum of human experience. In one episode, we might discuss entrepreneurial failures and successes; the next, we could be unpacking grief and healing. Our thought-provoking conversations don't shy away from difficult topics, but we approach them with sensitivity and purpose.
Our focus on authentic storytelling and practical takeaways that listeners can apply to their lives are what binds these diverse subjects together.Hear real-life stories, gain life lessons, and discover meaningful conversations where every voice is heard and every story matters!
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On The Couch With Abi
From Fear to Faith: The jump that changed Everything!
Have you ever wondered what it takes to make a major life change and follow your passion? This episode features the incredible journey of Toshin, a soul artist who made a bold career transition, moving from a secure corporate job to pursuing her true calling. Her story is one of overcoming fear, finding purpose, and embracing self-discovery.
Toshin's path, marked by pivotal moments of courage and personal growth, led her to international stages, where she connects with audiences through her music.
This conversation is for anyone seeking empowering insights to make positive changes in their own lives. Whether you're considering a mid-career change or simply looking for personal development, Toshin's story will resonate with you.
This conversation delves into themes of personal growth, life changes, and discovering one's calling. Toshin also shares her experiences with navigating mental health challenges and her dedication to creating safe spaces for others. As she announces her debut album coming in early 2025, Toshin radiates joy that can only come from living authentically: This conversation transcends music to explore faith, purpose, healing, and the courage to trust your path – even when the landing spot isn't visible
Hello everyone, welcome to the first episode of On the Couch With Abbey. Of course I'm your favourite host, abidemi Taiwo. Today I have a phenomenal artist gracing us with her presence today. She's not just a musician. She's a storyteller who weaves tales through her soulful melodies and captivates audiences with her energetic charisma. My guest today she's a star in the Irish music scene who draws inspiration from the timeless sounds of Motown to the contemporary vibes of soul and R&B. Picture this a young, beautiful black woman leading a six-piece live band taking the stage by storm with a voice that echoes the spirit of legends like Nina Simone. She has left a mark on prestigious stages like Electric Picnic and Island Music Week. Recently, she headlined her own show paying homage to the iconic Nina Simone. Join me today on the Couch with Abby as we explore my guest's artistry and unique presence in the world of music. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, it is the beautiful Toshin, so, without further ado, my guest today is Toshin Welcome.
Speaker 1:Toshin. Welcome, Toshin. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:You're most welcome. And before we get right into the conversation, one of the things I said I wanted to speak to you about is your name Toshin, oh no.
Speaker 1:How did?
Speaker 2:you transform a regular Nigerian name into an Irish name name with an I with a father, with a father.
Speaker 1:So she was a father never forgets a father. It's like it's one of those things and one of those questions that I get asked a lot. Oh, okay, I wish I had like the most amazing and passionate story about it, but I don't. So I studied music in college for six years and in my first year, or one of my first years anyway, they used to, I don't know one of my friends just started saying Toshin, toshin, toshin. But then again I now remember, like why do people start calling me Toshin? I now remembered okay, my name is Tosin, so I actually did it to myself Because people were like so how do I pronounce your name toson? I'm like toson is not really that hard, but yeah people will be finding it difficult.
Speaker 1:So I was like it's like roshin with a t, exactly with a t, you know which is not. It's not really like roshin with a t, because roshin with a t is toshin. You know, my name is tosin, so that's kind of it. That's kind of how it started, is like I used to tell people it's like Roshin with a T, roshin with a T. Then people just started being like okay, toshin, toshin. Then my friends my friend in college started calling me like Toshin, toshin when I performed. So I was like you know what Toshin is like an alter ego? Toshin is like separate from Toshin. So, you know, I was like I'm going to name my alter ego Toshin St because we were like what I addressed he was toasting or toshin, or tea, or wow, whatever, but yeah, toshin, that's why toshin came great.
Speaker 2:You know what's so funny about what you said and I and I actually said to myself I was gonna go into that later on about you, you know, do you have an alter ego? And you said it already kind of like beyonce.
Speaker 1:What's beyonce's alter ego again? Sasha fierce, you know so you.
Speaker 2:You said that already, but um, so let's dive into the world, get into it of music of toshi music. Yeah, you know, um, the first time I ever saw you performed um toshi was a couple of years ago actually. Now we're in 2024. Now we can say a couple of years ago but it was in 2022, summer 2022.
Speaker 2:Um, I was working for a tech company then and obviously it was a corporate summer event. It was back, it was in August, yeah, and I remember my colleagues and I and friends, we were like outside the tent, yeah, and we're just having drinks or having food because there were lots of food and, you know, drinks yeah, and I heard that voice. I can't remember, don't believe it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, bruno Mars. Oh, I know exactly.
Speaker 2:That don't believe it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, um william myers. Oh, I know exactly that was the song.
Speaker 2:I know the exact event you're talking about right now. Yeah, and I heard that voice and I was like I'm sorry, that has to be a black woman. I'm screaming, yeah, and I walked and I made my way into the tent because I was just so drawn to the voice and I was like I need to see who's performing and I walked into the tent and then, of course, I saw you and I just started dancing.
Speaker 2:I think I actually have the video on my phone, like on my google photos and I was like wow, and I just stood there till you finished performing, so that was my first time of seeing you performing. And then, of course, last year, 2023, I was at um. I saw you perform at your own, you know, concert where you paid homage to Nina Simone in November and prior to that I'd seen you at Tonal.
Speaker 1:Jazz. I think that's when I officially met you at Tonal. That was where you officially met.
Speaker 2:So one thing I observed about your performance, um about your charisma on stage, is that, whether your audience has paid 50 euros to come and watch you, or whether they've paid 500 euros to see you, the the what I see in you is that you want your audience to have a good time period it's not just about singing. It's about the performance. You're more so like an entertainer even. Yeah, it's a full package.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always say that, yeah, I always say that to people that you know, when I go to a gig, I need to be entertained. Like I would honestly leave the gig even, as you said, if I paid 10 euro, if I paid 50 euro, if I paid 100 or 500 euro, it doesn't matter how much I pay to get in. If it's not entertaining, I'm not here for it. So the way I visualize and the way I think, I think that that's the way I think. When I'm put on a show, how do I want to make my audience feel? That's like my priority, you know. Yes, the music is important, yes, this. But two things I always think is how do I want to make the audience feel and what message is the audience going to leave with? Right, that's very important to me. Like, like super, super important to me.
Speaker 1:You know, and I really do feel like Toshin, like I feel like God gave me this gift to sing and, you know, as a child of God, I really feel, like, you know, I prayed a lot. I was like God, what is my purpose in life? Like you know, what do you want me to do in life? You know, and the way everything has fallen in place with music. You know, I know it's music and I know it's to, you know sing, but then it's deeper than that and I really feel like it's like I need to tell a story and I want to. Through telling a story, I want to heal people with my story and with my voice. So that's what I really really like, even though I got really deep, but that's what I really believe my purpose is.
Speaker 2:I can't even remember the question, but yes, I think. Yes, correct. Yes, I don't even know Basically, so what I'm hearing you say is that you're giving the audience a full package. Obviously, it's a no-brainer. We know Tosha Installage is a great singer, but you want them to leave with a message. You want them to leave with a feeling that they've been entertained.
Speaker 1:I want the show and the performance and the message, most importantly to know. It's not like you know what. Sometimes you go to a show, or let's just even say the cinema, you know, because cinema is like an entertainment purpose. Yeah, you go to the cinema and then, like, by the time you leave the cinema, you've forgotten the movie.
Speaker 2:You're like oh do I even go? Do I even go to the cinema?
Speaker 1:you forget that I don't want, I want. There's a movie I saw recently and like I was thinking about it for days, I was like, oh, I really want to go see that again. That's the feeling. I want people to be left to it. At a after a toshin show, you know, it's like wow. Like three days later I'm still talking. They're still talking about that show.
Speaker 1:They're still like you know, they're healing from the message, like the the it's. The message is so important to me and this time last year you know, if I was talking to you, abby, I don't think that would have been a priority of mine, but I think last year my music and my songs and the way I've been performing has really healed people and I've gotten so many testimonies, even five testimonies. That's a lot for me, you know, and I just feel like in a year it's just changed. It's changed so much and like I just feel, like I'm just going to keep growing and growing, by god's grace, you know by god's grace.
Speaker 2:Now let's talk about the message. So she, you said you want people to be left with a message. Yeah, um, I mean the couple of times that I've seen you perform, as I said you shared. When I was doing my introduction, I said you, you know you, you're not just a musician, you're a storyteller. Yeah, so when you're performing, you give us stories. I mean, I've heard you tell stories of your breakup. I've heard you tell stories of you even something as mundane as you getting your nails done.
Speaker 2:You shared stories of your mental health. You know just all of these things. So when you're preparing, let's say, or rehearsing, is this because when I see you again and I know I'm probably giving you too much compliments- yeah, the head. That's why I read this, but please just just take it, because one thing with black women or with people generally, the hypnosis is that we don't take we don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just like, people give me compliments and I just like let it simmer take it out. No, take it in.
Speaker 2:I'll take it in, yeah but what I wanted to say, before I lose my train of thoughts, is that I just imagine Adele performing in like Las Vegas. I think that was when she performed recently.
Speaker 2:She's been having like a tour. I know I've lost my train of thought on what I wanted to ask. But basically, how do you on what I wanted to ask? But basically, how do you rehearse you? Do you rehearse that when you're? When you're, do you put those stories when you're rehearsal or it's something you do in your own private to be?
Speaker 1:honest, the way, the stories initially, the very first time these stories because so most shows I would say the same story, but that's when I've gotten something concrete that I, like you know. But when these stories grow, like you know, it's like a seed that grows into a flower. And these stories grow. It's not something that I rehearse or I talk to myself, because I know I can be a weirdo. I can talk to myself in my room, but no, it's not something I talk to myself in my mirror or something it's literally what I feel before I go on stage and like.
Speaker 1:I know I keep going back to like, you know, god and the Holy Spirit, but it really is. You know, it's like any. Before I go on stage, me and my band, we come together and we pray, and even before I do the gig I would pray, you know, a couple of days before I fast. You know, if it's like something big, you know, and one thing I always say when I pray is like God, I don't, I don't want like, yes, I'm only flesh, but I want the Holy Spirit to perform through me.
Speaker 1:It's not till my songs is about jesus, jesus, jesus, that I need to be asking for the holy spirit, because I'm sending a message to people. You know I'm, I speak about god as well throughout my shows, you know, and I can't like I'm only flesh. I really need that help from the holy spirit. So I do pray a lot before a show and I and I always say this thing to my band I was like god, I really am. To my band, I'm like, please, god, while we're performing, you know, the holy spirit performed through us send a message.
Speaker 1:So sometimes, before I'm, after I prayed and I go and perform, I say some things. I'm just like I get all sick and I'm like, did I say that, you know? But it's still part of my journey and it's not like, oh, I made this up or the holy spirit just spoke to me when I was performing it's still part of my journey, but it's the way that the holy spirit articulated through me to the audience.
Speaker 1:That's it. And then like once that comes, like, for example, the story of like my nails I told you jazz, yeah, I didn't think of that, that just came that day.
Speaker 1:That just came because but it was also something that I was living through. You know, I was feeling the pain of like, oh my gosh, my, my ex didn't like the way I did my nails, you know, but I've never actually told that before, but I think, maybe subconsciously, I was like hurting from it and like, in that moment, that's what I felt and that's what I said. That's I never, maybe once or twice. Okay, I need to really say this message to my fans.
Speaker 1:So let me say this message to my fans, but there's never a time where I'm going to sit down and be writing scripts. Funke like no, that's that's an effort.
Speaker 2:That's brilliant. So you basically just let it all out and it comes naturally to you.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful.
Speaker 2:I want to go back to you mentioned last year, a year ago, so I saw an Instagram post that you made this morning. About a year ago, you left the corporate world to go full time into music. Yeah, thank.
Speaker 1:God and one thing that I've been seeing lately and just on social media ago, you left the corporate world I did to go full-time into music.
Speaker 2:yeah, thank god and you know, one thing that I've been seeing lately and just on social media some conversation is that some people are afraid, or fear, um, to be seen trying. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever heard of that. How do you, how do you handle that? Because obviously you live in the comfort zone, comfort to go in after your dreams, though you might not necessarily see the result that you're looking for, right now you know, we all know these things takes years it takes time, you know before you can start, you know making that big money.
Speaker 2:So how? How have you handled that in the last year? And even sort of like external um I don't know, validation or external, you know talks.
Speaker 1:Yeah it's. I wouldn't say it's a hard one. It has been like social media is so fake and it's so annoying and it's like it's something that we just have to like keep doing. Like social media is so fake and it's so annoying and it's like it's something that we just have to like, keep doing.
Speaker 1:Like social media is my cv, more or less no so I have to always keep like making it seem like life is amazing, like I'm gigging, like people. Be the amount of people that, thank you god. Let me just say thank you, god, because you might be people. I'll be texting me. So she you're so busy, so she you're doing this, so she's flying everywhere, so she's doing this and I'm like, no, I am like you don't get me wrong, I am but like guys, you don't know the work and the everything that comes behind and like I don't see it. I personally don't see it. You know people are like oh, toshin, you're doing this. I actually don't see it and I really do feel like it's because I don't really have like management or anything like I'm doing all on my own. So I'm like wearing like the management management hats. I'm wearing the Toshin hat, I'm wearing the emailing hat, I'm wearing like all so many hats and then obviously I have like tea with toshin as well. So I'm just doing so much, you know. But, um, yeah, to answer the question, like it's, it's been a very, very hard year, but in saying that I didn't feed it and I didn't feed it, y'all are gonna hate me. I don't feel it, because I'm a child of god and god just got me.
Speaker 1:So when I, when I left my job, it wasn't even like oh, um, one day I woke up and like I'm just gonna leave my job. It was something that I was really meditating in bed for like maybe, let's say like four months and right, I was going through like really like really deep depression, like from like I left my job in february last year and I was going through depression in like maybe october, then october, november the year before, right. So I was like really sad. I was having like really bad panic attacks, like like I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd be like, oh my god, I have to wake up in seven hours for work, or I finish work at 6 pm and I'm like okay, so if I sleep, let me sleep at 2 am, so then I'll have like a long evening. And then at 2 am comes like, oh my god, but then I have to wake up in five hours for it. I would have like my mind was just like crazy because like I would do my nine to five, and sometimes I'd start at like nine and I finish at seven and then I'll have to run to a gig or run to a rehearsal, run to the studio. You know, I was literally working two jobs and like it was just so, so hard.
Speaker 1:So when I like had the really, really, really big breakdown, I think I was having panic attacks every month, but then it went to having panic attacks every day, jesus Do you know. So then, when it started getting really, really bad for my mental health and I had to go to therapy, I just started praying. I was like God, you know what, if this is not for me, just let your will be done. I'm ready for you to actually just take control and take over. Whatever needs to happen needs to happen. And I remember like I was living in Dublin and my rent was a thousand euro a month and I was just like, am I really gonna quit my job right now? How am I gonna pay for my rent? You know how is this gonna happen. I have no savings. What am I gonna do?
Speaker 2:in this economy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in this economy. I was like, what am I going to do? But you know what? I was? Just like I, and this is when my faith started to build, and this was when I started to go to church more and everything was happening. So I was just reading the Bible more and just praying more. My boyfriend at the time was very good. He was praying with me. Even though he didn't want me to leave work, he was still praying with me.
Speaker 1:And whatever I had to make that decision myself, the way everything just panned out, I just ended up handing him my notice and I was just like you know what, let me just trust God and some of my friends who are going through a similar season right now. What I'm saying to them is like obviously, you know, I'm not going to tell you to leave your job, but what I will tell you is pray and let, like, whatever God needs to do for you, let it happen. I'm not going to tell you to leave your job, but for me, when I was praying, what I kept hearing was like Tosin, jump, don't be afraid to jump, tosin, don't be afraid to jump, because you know, at the end of the day, I'm gonna catch you, and that is what I kept hearing I'm gonna catch you, I'm gonna catch you, I'm gonna catch you. So me quitting my job, I jumped, I jumped. So hard.
Speaker 1:That is so profound I jumped and I was like one year later I'm here and I'm and I'm I can't imagine myself working. I actually I don't have the capacity to be doing a nine-to-five right now. You know, and God really did that for me. You know, and what I would tell people is yes, if you want to leave your job, you want to follow your dreams, I'm all for it, but you need to to pray about it, like you know. You really need to pray about it and trust in God.
Speaker 1:Have faith, you know, um, one thing I will say is as like being a Christian and being like a baby Christian is we need to keep fitting ourselves with the word and with godly things to grow. So let me explain that to you. It's like, right now, we're flesh, we're humans, and when we're hungry, what do we do? We eat, and if we eat bad food, we get fatter. If we eat just salads constantly, weatter. If we eat, um, just like salads constantly, you know, we'll probably lose a lot of weight, you know. But then, like, sometimes we eat bad food, we eat salads, we eat chocolate, but we have like a balanced diet.
Speaker 1:So for me I was like okay, that's the same way I need to think of the word of god, because I was like I need to grow as a christian, I need to like, I want to be closer to god, I really want to do this. And I was like, okay, how can do this? And I discovered it's like by reading my Bible, by praying, by listening to gospel music that is us feeding our souls. So whatever we are putting in is what we're going to get out, you know. So I really just I don't know why I'm preaching here. God, I'm sorry, but this is just what I'm feeling at the moment.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things that you've touched upon and I wanted to sort of dive into that before I forget. There's this thing about you know that when god has placed something into your, in your heart, yeah, he's going to fund it, yeah, yeah, he's going to make a way. Yeah, because he has placed that desire in your heart. And that's basically what I'm hearing you say. You you're not preaching for anyone out there to go after their dreams and just just leave your job because you can't be stupid about it you have to be strategic about it, and that's.
Speaker 2:That's basically what I'm here. You basically followed the instructions of the holy spirit and um, you also mentioned about you. You cannot, basically you can't give up for the kind of job that you do. Even for myself, I say this all the time you can't give what you don't have. No, you can't pour, continuously be pouring to a large audience and if you're not feeding yourself, then exactly what are you giving? Well, that's exactly so. That's basically what I'm what I'm hearing you say.
Speaker 1:So that's so beautiful yeah, it's, it's been a great year. I'm not gonna get to get like. I remember one thing I said to myself when I left my job is I'm not going to change my lifestyle.
Speaker 2:Right. What does that mean?
Speaker 1:My lifestyle was like, obviously, when I was doing music and I was working my 95, I was like I had a good finance. Of course, I was good money, so I used to travel a lot and I used to buy loads of clothes.
Speaker 1:I love shoes. I love shoes. I used to buy shoes, get my nails done, my hair, everything I so that was the lifestyle I was like god. One thing is, when I do leave this job, I don't want my lifestyle to change. You know and funny, the testimony I would say that came out of it is obviously, when I quit my job I had literally no money and I was just like any money I got in had to go straight to my rent you know, and maybe feeding myself, maybe, maybe feeding myself, you know, but mainly going into rent, you know.
Speaker 1:And then, next thing, you know, last year I was getting booked to go play in, like Greece and Norway and Berlin you know. And then like, obviously I was going to these countries, I was playing there and it was amazing. But then, like I think there's one day I was just reflecting, I was just like God. I did say that I don't want to change my lifestyle and one of the main things is traveling and see the way my job brought me everywhere I wanted to go.
Speaker 1:Like I didn't go on one holiday last year, but I went on five holidays last year, like, not even like during the holidays I was obviously working, but obviously I had a few days off to like enjoy and do whatever I needed to do. But like that's and that's what I mean when I said that it was a hard year but I didn't feel it wow, because I jumped and God caught me. So I just I don't know it's having faith is just a hit different, having that faith and trusting God. And I also feel like, yes, we can have faith and we can trust in God and we can and we can jump.
Speaker 1:But I just think as well, like I'm not even hyping myself up, but it's just like also by just having a good heart is so important. You know, god looks at our, at our hearts and I'm the type of person like when, like my friends or my family or people that I don't even know struggles or need something, I'm there to help them all the time and I feel like the way I can help others is the way God quickly runs and helps me, you know. So I do feel like, yes, we can jump and we can do all these things that I'm saying, but when you are a good person yourself and have a good heart, you know it's not just about knowing God, you know it's just about being a good person Things will work out for you. Amen, yeah.
Speaker 2:Amen. So, let's talk about mental health. I know you mentioned. Yeah, that's very about mental health, I know you mentioned having panic attacks and anxiety and all of this. Could you tell us a bit more about how you were able to solve that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I struggled with my mental health a lot, especially when I wrote my song Knock Knock, which is the song I usually play at the end of all my sets. You know, which is the song I usually play at the end of all my sets, and Knock Knock is basically about feeling trapped inside your mind and not not being able to get out of there. You know, I used to have a lot of like crazy thoughts in my head and you know, and like I don't want to say suicidal thoughts, but yeah, there was a time in my life where I was just like I just want to end it all. Right now, you know, and, um, yeah, the only way I think what really helped me is music. Music. Really, like I always say to people, music is a form of medicine.
Speaker 1:You know, it's a form of medication music helped me a lot and like writing music helped me a lot as well. But also, like being a Nigerian woman and being like from Africa, it's so hard to discuss your mental health to your parents. That's right. It's something I've never really done until recent, you know. Right Is talk about my mental health to my parents, because any time I said to my mum or my dad, oh, I'm feeling sad, they're just like ah, lord, pray, go and pray, you're under me, I'm feeling sad, go and pray, but what else can we do? Okay, therapy. Okay, you want to do therapy.
Speaker 1:Okay, I might not be all for the therapy, but you go and you see where the therapy takes you, you know. So I didn't take therapy till last year and I only took it for like maybe six months, but it really, really, really helps me. It really helps talking to someone that doesn't know your situation, does not know your story, cannot judge you and obviously therapists will never judge you anyway, but like they, they just can't judge you because they don't know you at all and it just felt like a safe space for me, um, and also just taking care of myself as well, like taking how do you?
Speaker 1:take care of yourself. Oh girl, I love to eat, so I I take myself on dates. I love to just go to a cafe and just like sit, I just sit there and even just not being on my phone for a bit and just like just taking care of myself, basically just like eating and eating, and eating, and then I probably eating, I probably eating, I like to like, obviously, just buy some clothes, buy some shoes retail therapy and go to cinema.
Speaker 1:I love going to my. Recently I've been going to around my own and I love that it's. Yeah, I was like, to be honest, when I went on my own with the first time, I really enjoyed. I was like why is the cinema a thing for two people? Because you're not even meant to be talking. I was like no cinema is meant to be for your own. I, I think I went to watch, um, my big fat Greek wedding, this the turtle, and it was so good on my own and I loved it. Yeah, things like that, you know, and just like retail therapy a lot, which is obviously not really great, but whatever, retail therapy and just all your money.
Speaker 1:It takes all my money. It's all the monies I don't really have right now and then just like spending time with people I love, you know. Spending time with my friends, my band, I love spending time with my bandmates.
Speaker 1:I love spending time with people. I love, you know, spending time with my friends, my band. I love spending time with my bandmates. I love spending time with my bandmates, you know, they're like my family. You know my family here Spending time with my brother, you know. But I love my brother. He's like literally my best friend in the world and talking to my sisters and my other brothers in the UK and my mom, my mom, is literally like so special to me. So I, my mom, is literally like so special to me. So I just think mental health is is something that we don't talk about a lot, and I think talking about having bad mental health is even a healer in itself, because you share the problem and then someone else is always constant, even if when they're texting you, they're not, they're not going to be like, oh how is your mental health just just checking in on someone that is doing something for them already so, but you know what I think to toshi.
Speaker 2:I think that our generation, perhaps the, you know, gen z's and the millennials we we obviously are not like our parents, so we do take mental health and healing and talking about trauma, childhood trauma and all of these things seriously, so I think we definitely are more self-aware. Um, so, when you say that people are checking in on you, indirectly checking in on you, I feel like people perhaps show more empathy, yeah, that they sort of know what you're going through and that way they can have more compassion, exactly what suits, whatever it is that you're going through. So I think that's, that's perhaps what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is yeah I I don't want to say I'm not, I'm grateful, everything. But like my mental health episodes, especially like the times I was having those panic attacks last year and the year before, it's really strengthened who I am today. Right, you know I'm not going to say oh, wow, I wish that didn't happen to me. I'm actually like low-key happy. I went through that because I don't know what my future would look like if I didn't have these breakdowns, like I probably wouldn't have quit my job. You know it was the breakdowns that was really getting to me and the anxiety of not being able to sleep, you know. So I'm grateful for, like, I'm grateful for all the seasons that I've gone through.
Speaker 1:There's not one part of my life that I see right now that I regret and I know as humans we're very regrettable and we'd be like happened to me. There's not one part of my life that I don't regret, obviously like stupid things, like maybe texting a guy or something stupid. Like, yeah, are you gonna guess that?
Speaker 2:yeah, maybe something like that yeah, but no, I, I live like what? Because you know what that does? It builds character, exactly, exactly it builds toshin.
Speaker 1:That's that, these elements is what makes, if I'm telling I was saying it earlier, yeah, it's each I'm making a soup. I just had this mental health. I did this, oh, this is the soup that makes toshin this is what makes me me.
Speaker 2:So it's I trying to make jamel fries.
Speaker 1:So instead of adding the curry and baby, yeah, so I'd train a bit of panic attack literally join a bit of panic attack, join a bit of this throwing a bit of that the boyfriend that did this one, did this one, throw it, and they are making the best.
Speaker 2:Toshin shalof yum yum yum on the stage. It is, yeah, incredible, yeah, so tell us about the guy. Well, not tell us about that particular guy, sorry which guy.
Speaker 1:I was like a guy. I was like I'm Toshin is right. Public service announcement Toshin's single. I'm ready to mingle. There's this ring here, but this is my whole group. There's Toshina's, she's very much single. I'm not ready to mingle. My guy will like he'll come whenever God wants him to come.
Speaker 2:You know, if it's tomorrow, I will take it again talking about, because I know you've been, and this literally just popped into my head now because obviously I know you've been talking a lot about your faith as a. Christian. So do you believe in like kingdom marriage, because you said that you're not gonna. You know you want him to be the one to come to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell me your thoughts about kingdom marriage because, it's something sorry, pardon me, it's something that I've been hearing a lot. I actually heard this a lot last year and I somehow felt it was like another buzzword that's out there and I've been doing a lot of looking, diving deep into it and I just wanted to hear your thoughts about okay funny thing is because I was watching how I've been watching Haleah Challenge and me and my friend have been doing it together.
Speaker 1:I know um it's.
Speaker 1:Haleah Challenge is a program that runs on YouTube and on Instagram by Natalia Bassey for 21 days and it's hadiyah challenge is a program that runs on youtube and on instagram by nathaniel bassey for 21 days and it's a gospel artist the gospel artist, where basically he comes and just like sings for an hour from 11 pm to 12 am every night for 21 days, especially this february that we're in right now and, yeah, he just praises god.
Speaker 1:But I feel like this season on how it's basically just like we're praising god and just singing and glorifying god. But I feel like this season on how it's basically just like we're praising god and just singing and glorifying god. But I feel like this season on how do your channel just been a lot of praying with nathaniel massi and one of the things he's been saying is kingdom marriage and I was saying it to my you know, my friends, I live. I was like, please look, can you define kingdom marriage for me? Because I don't really know this is new to me and I think she was trying to explain it that it's like when a partner you're a couple even is like when they get married but their, their goal is to serve God. Is that it? I don't know.
Speaker 2:So let me tell you from what I know what is your definition you are talking to me now and you have a purpose right. Your optician's purpose is to send a beautiful message to her audience. She's singing, she's doing all of these amazing things. So when you meet a guy, you're not going to meet a guy who's just. Well, maybe I should speak for myself. I'm not looking for a guy who's just. I mean, it's great for you to have ambition, ambition but I'm not looking for someone who's just doing a nine-to-five.
Speaker 2:You want someone who has a vision, you want someone who has a purpose and then, you guys come together and make a bigger picture, exactly as you guys are serving, using your god-given gift and talent, you, you know to serve the world, because when you're serving the world, who are you serving? God, isn't it? God, god, god. So that is the definition that I have taken from it. I don't know if anybody has.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, obviously like, yeah, I definitely would love to meet a man and you know, we can have a kingdom marriage. I don't know man, I don't know, I don't even want to speak about speak honest, because I'm not really sure on definition myself. Like I, like right now, I want to say yes, I'd love a kingdom marriage, but like I need to think about it deeply, like I need to, I need to understand kingdom marriage in my own terms yeah, in words, I like I love that you know you know.
Speaker 2:I actually stumbled across a clip yesterday on instagram, um, and where there was this kind of podcast, and we're asking a girl like you know, what kind of man do you do you like? And she said, oh, I want to. You know the what women say god fearing man number one uh, is not always number one and we're asking her that, is this something that she can handle? You know, is it? Do you?
Speaker 2:Looking a man, can you handle a man waking up at 5 am in the morning and he's like you know, praying in tongues and like, literally literally, yeah, and you know she was saying that you know, I'd like a balance, I'd like a balance. So are you looking for a balance? So you're looking for a man who can pray and fast till kingdom come, because I feel, who can pray and fast till kingdom come, because I feel like women tend to get it wrong. Here we are saying we want this and men say this a lot that if a woman says she wants this, that's not what she's after, if you give her something else, she's gonna take it I don't think they're wrong.
Speaker 1:Women are so indecisive, we're so indecisive. But to answer your question, I think I think I want a man who can balance, like because I have dated that waking up at five, oh wow, yeah, I've dated that and it's a lot.
Speaker 1:It's a lot. You know it's a it's a lot, and it puts a lot of pressure on you as well, being like, oh god, I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. You know which which is fair, and if that partner can make you feel comfortable, like, no, no, this, you're in your journey, yeah, you're in your journey, so you don't have to be doing what I'm doing. This is me, I, I was like you once, you know. You know, if a partner can accept that this person is on their own journey, then that's it, then I'm fine with that. But I didn't have that. You know, mine was kind of like, ah, we need to be both fire, fire, fire, fire. And I was like, yeah, I'm not there. Yes, this is too much for me. So I would definitely say I need someone that is balanced.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I would like personally so we need a well-balanced, god-fearing, ambitious, purposeful, yeah, handsome, handsome, tall. Do you want him tall, tall, sorry, dark or light, dark you're about.
Speaker 1:I know what I want. I'm gonna. You're about man. You're about that's to be tall. He got to be god fearing if he does music. I don't know how I feel about that, but I can. I can like, I can take it. I don't know if I want a musician, I want someone. That's just different.
Speaker 1:It's not really talk about music, you know like come on, yeah, I don't even like football, but I'll go watch football with you, do you know? Like, come on, yeah, I don't even like football, I'll go watch football with you. I mean, that's a good bus. Come on, guys, I'll take you to that. And National, what stadium do they play? Arsenal, wembley, I'll take you there. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what I want. I do know what I want, I know exactly what I want, but my fear is like is this what God wants for me?
Speaker 1:and I'm just like God someone told me that today they're like toaster and I don't think you're a bad man is gonna is what you need, or? Something I was like I know, but I just love the banter to be able to speak your language yeah, I'm like I'm I'm not a serious person like I'm such a like a messer and like. I just need someone who's just like funny and like. No, this feels like therapy. I don't need someone that's funny and like I don't know whatever, yeah, whatever god, whatever whenever god and whatever timing, whatever yeah, timing is important, so don't worry, he's, he's coming, he's coming.
Speaker 2:No he's coming, he's coming, I'm waiting, wow, um, thank you so much. So shame for such an amazing conversation, is there?
Speaker 1:anything else? You'd like to talk about, because I've said a lot of things now to say there is maybe one thing that I think I said to you um off camera that I would mention is right, my event.
Speaker 2:Yes, tell us about.
Speaker 1:So I am putting on an event, and I'm not sure the exact date, yes, but I am putting on an event called a safe space for the girls and it's something that has been, you know, ringing in my heart and it's, you know, when there's something ringing in your heart, in your mind, and like you just can't be pushing it aside. Pushing it aside, but the fact that it keeps coming back, keeps coming back, it's like, okay, I really need to do this. I need to do this. So a safe space for the girls is an event only for women, and it's going to be an event where I'm going to tell my story and other people that I know is going to tell their story of when, at a point in our lives, we were sexually abused or raped. And it's going to be obviously a deep, deep event. But I don't want it to be all all about sadness. You know, I want I want it to be to be a safe space. That's why I called it a safe space. I want it to be such a safe space and also like a fun environment where, like, yes, we're going to be telling our stories and we're going to be, you know, speaking of what, what had happened to us when we were younger or you know, maybe in the like in the last few years. But also I'm gonna break the event up by having like performers and like um people coming to say some poetry and, you know, just like musicians as well, just to come together and I really, and I also it's going to be in collaboration with the um, the I'm trying oh, the DRCC, which is the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. Oh, so they're jumping on board as well, they're gonna help me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it's definitely something that's been close to my heart and the reason I decided to do this is because, obviously, I went through some form of trauma when I was younger. But I have a little sister and she's 12 years old and I was talking to her recently and she said to me she was like, oh, big sister, a guy in school said something weird to me and like I'm not going to repeat what the guy in school- said you know um, but when once she said that that like this is I'm not even trying to make jokes, but you know when, when, um, that's so Raven has a vision and he just go, ah.
Speaker 1:So once she said that, I literally was like, oh my gosh, and it was. It brought me back to my trauma of when I, when something happened to me when I was nine and it made me realize that I really buried that trauma. I really buried, buried this, and I never had a chance to, you know, process this and I never was able to tell my parents about this or anything. And now, in my adult age, you know, I started discussing with some of my friends and I was telling them like, oh, this happened to me when I was did you tell your therapist this semester?
Speaker 1:yes, you know. So I've dealt with it myself now, thank God, you know. But when I was speaking to my friends, you know, let's just say I spoke to 10 of my friends. At least nine of them had the same experience, you know. And then I was just like, okay, I need to do something about this, not like anything can change for us right now, but for our siblings, our sisters, our friends, you know, our cousins, people we know, and you know I'm so happy.
Speaker 1:My little sister spoke up to me, so now I can tell her and, like I even said it to my other sister, I was like, oh, this, this happened to my, this happened to our little sister. You know, we need to protect her. You know, my sister, my little sister, was like she opens up to me as well about her thing. I was like, ah, I was like this is not okay. So this is why I'm doing, and I'm I'm I'm putting on that event to save space for the girls to, you know, to encourage people to talk about our traumas, because I don't want to, like you know, get married now and then I'm bringing up the trauma that happens.
Speaker 1:You know I need to heal fully now and and yeah, so that's something I want to speak about. So, if you're following me on social media, definitely, you know, keep a look and keep an eye out for tickets, because I do feel like the event will set out quickly and I just really want everyone to come and, you know, start a healing journey that's great, toshin, that is such a great initiative to start.
Speaker 2:And one thing that you said about trauma and in as much as people go through things we all go through, we all have, you know, one form of trauma or the other that we've been through through the stage of our lives. But one thing that scares me, or that not even scare me, annoys me, that irks me within the African community, is that we attach shame to these things and that's why people don't want to talk about it. And then, with the people that talk about it, you want to shame them. You can't even shame the shameless.
Speaker 2:Because, for you to come out confidently, boldly, to say I have been through this. This is how it has affected me. I am moving forward from this past trauma. I have healed. I am healing. Yeah, why would you want to shame someone like?
Speaker 1:that, yeah and that's.
Speaker 1:I think like not that my parents would have shamed me or anything but yeah when it happened to me, it was just something I couldn't discuss with my parents because I just it's. They've never kind of you know, I don't know shown me that I can, we can talk about these things. We've never talked about anything like this before. So, and obviously, like when we're, when we're young, like you know, if you're watching a movie, your parents are like you know, a sex scene comes on, something they're like turn it off or you cover your eyes or get out of this. You know it's always like shame, shame, shame, sex, shame, sex, shame. You know which is just it's, it's really not like you know and like I do not want that for my kids. I want to be able to speak about everything, at the right age, of course yeah, but I want to be able to speak about everything, because I do not.
Speaker 1:I definitely, as someone who's experienced something like that, I definitely do not want what happened to me to happen to my child. And you know, this was when I was like nine and like now I'm like in my mid to late 20s and I'm like I can't like why am I only processing this now? Yeah, like over 15 years later. You know, and this is the same for all all the girls that I've been speaking to, you know, it's it's really sad, but, um, yeah, that's that's.
Speaker 1:That's what's happening, but I don't want to end this on a bad note, so I am gonna say I am releasing my album next year by God's grace, so I'm currently writing my album at the moment, for my first ever album, my debut album um early 2025 by God's Grace, and I'm really excited.
Speaker 1:I'm currently writing this and I'm so. It's just it's it's obviously about Toshin and about my life and about the last like three to five years and I'm really excited. It's just really. It's really fun. And I remember one of my friends was this they were asking me the other day like toshin, you just you look really happy, like you're glowing, like you're just so happy. You know, and I haven't felt this happy in such a long time and like they're like like, how do you feel? Like what? What do you think is different? And I was like there's nothing I could really say. The only thing that came to mind is like, for the first time in such a long time, I just feel like I'm living. You know, that's the only expression and the only way I could describe it's like I'm living, like I just feel like I'm living. I don't know, I don't know what that means, to be honest, but I just that's what it means a lot, I just feel like I'm living you're living life on your own terms.
Speaker 2:You're chasing your dreams. You're doing something that you love, like I'm living.
Speaker 1:You're living. Yeah, so that's not what the album's called now. Oh wow, but it's something like that. Yeah, I'm excited for my album. I really am.
Speaker 2:So what should?
Speaker 1:we be expecting Y'all should be expecting theatricals, theatricals, theatrics, sassy yes, of course, ain't no mean no sense Storytelling, storytelling, I might do it throw in like a few of like aretha covers, because obviously I do a lot are you going to feature anyone? Oh yes, there's gonna be a lot of features, a lot of hip-hop and a lot of um people in the irish music scene. Anyway, great great. Yeah, maybe people in the scene in germany, germany as well but you know what?
Speaker 2:we are not going to give it all away, okay. So I just want to say thank you again. Thank you for gracing us, for your presence, the stories, the attitude, the beauty, and one thing I actually forgot to mention is your style. You know your afro afro fusion.
Speaker 2:I don't know am I using the right word yeah, well, yeah, I wear a lot of ankara, you wear a lot of ankara, you wear a lot of Ankara, which I find really really beautiful as well, because basically you're putting yourself out there Like yeah, I'm this Irish, black Irish girl, exactly, but I'm still very much proud of my heritage.
Speaker 1:That was it, that was it for me, because people were calling me Toshin, toshin and it was very, very Irish. This, this, this. And I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, and like, obviously, my songs as well. There's no like afro beats, there's nothing really there yet. But I was like, okay, what can I do to not let people forget where I come from? And that is my, my clothing, because I, as much as I can speak like this and I can do this and I can, my songs can be this, but I don't ever want to be lost. I don't. I want people to know that I am a Nigerian woman and I come from that heritage. Great, great.
Speaker 2:So we have a little present for you before you go. I like presents.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:So we have this beautiful bouquet of flowers. For me, yes for you. So thank you so much for gracing us. I would have gotten up and given you a big hug, but I'm mic'd up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you so much. I really appreciate this. Thank you, oh my god, you will not get me flowers like this thank you all so much for joining us on the couch with avi.
Speaker 2:Of course, you know I'm your host, abizemi tyro. Follow, follow us on instagram, follow us on youtube to get more authentic, inspiring stories. And you know what. We're no longer sharing african stories, because one thing I've said to myself is I'm a human first before I'm an african woman. So we are going global baby amen amen.